Review by Joe
Buy The Forsaken on DVD
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Werewolf In A Women's Prison (2007)
Sarah and her boyfriend Jack are camping in the wilds of Canpuna when they are attacked by a werewolf. The creature kills Jack and bites Sarah, but fortunately for her, she manages to set the creature on fire with the expensive vodka that they had brought along which happened to contain silver flakes. She finds herself in the Canpuna Women's Prison For The Criminally Insane. The prison is run by the sadistic warden Juan and his dominatrix sidekick Rita. They sexually abuse the women and film them for their “Prison Babes Gone Wild” website. Despite all this, Sarah does manage to find a friend in Rachel, her American cellmate held in the prison on false charges.Things take a turn for the worse as the full moon approaches as Jack begins appearing to Sarah as a ghostly zombie in scenes ripping off An American Werewolf in London. Each appearance brings dire warnings of her werewolf curse and a more decayed Jack. Finally Sarah turns and from that point the film goes from softcore porn to full-on gore fest.
There are a lot of cool gore effects in the film but the werewolf looks like a villain from an episode of Power Rangers. Juan the warden was the best character in the film. He changes his accent throughout the film, going from Spanish to American to Russian. The best scene in the film involves Sarah and her cellmate Rachel being punished by getting chained topless in their panties to a boulder in the desert. As the heat rises the girls realize they can't reach the water bowl that has been provided for them so they do what anyone would do in this situation... They begin licking the sweat off of each other to survive. Werewolf In A Women's Prison is far from a classic but it is one of those "so bad it's good" films. If you enjoy copious ammounts of lesbian prison sex and extreme gore then this film is for you.
Review by Brad
Buy Werewolf In A Women's Prison on DVD
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)
Dr. Praetorious and his gang of vampires are feasting on the lesbian population of Ottawa. Troubled by the diminishing number of local lesbians, mohawked preacher Father Alban jumps on his scooter to enlist the help of Jesus Christ. He travels to the waterfront where he finds Jesus doing asome beach baptisms. Father Alban asks Jesus to solve this mystery and right all wrongs, when they are suddenly attacked by kung-fu fighting vampire women. Father Alban perishes in the battle, but Jesus defeats the vampires, gets on the scooter and returns to the city to help civilization once more.
In order to fit in he ditches his robe, gets a hair cut, a shave and some piercings. This makes him so happy that he breaks into song and dance as he skateboards around town and heals the crippled. He then heads to the store to pick up some wood to make stakes when he is jumped by a gang of athiests. An epic kung-fu battle ensues as Jesus kicks some non-believer ass. He then meets up with Father Eustace who tells him that many of the lesbians in his congregation are also disappearing. Eustace sets him up with an apartment, some money, and a gun-toting conspirator, Mary Magnum. They enlist the help of Mexican wrestler El Santos and set out on a mission to deliver us from evil.
The rest of the film is filled with kung-fu battles, dirt bike stunts, drumsticks and tooth picks used as stakes and a hairy transvestite good samaritan. We are also treated to the amazing song 'Everyone Gets Laid Tonight' by the Hammerheads during the end credits. All in all I really enjoyed Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. It's very original, entertaining and a lot of fun to watch. Check it out.
Review by Brad
Buy Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter on DVD
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
The Trek (2009)
The Trek begins with a young recently married couple set out on a 'honeymoon' hike in the woods. Kim (Erin Fleming) and Keith (Brett Hundley) are a great pair, as acknowledged by their family in true-crime documentary flashbacks narrated by an Unsolved Mysteries-style Trent Haaga. We're shown the last place the couple was known to have been. What we don't know is what happened to Kim and Keith. But we're about to find out.
After about 30 minutes of getting to know Kim and Keith Russell, through their family and friends, and through watching them hold hands, eat apples and backpack around the California Hills, a strange-looking woman comes out of the woods and approaches their tent. She looks like a hairy fat guy in a loin cloth with a deformed face and sagging boobs. The she-beast walks over to Keith and pinches his cheek like an old woman would do to a tiny baby. This enrages Keith and he is overcome with the need to protect himself and his wife, so he does what any good husband would... He unnecessarily bashes her head in with a stick repeatedly until she is dead.
Kim is appalled at how Keith reacted, and she can't understand his need to kill the woman. Keith isn't really sure he understands either, but from the particularly happy grin on his face while he did it, we know that he liked it. Moments later the Neanderthal's mate stumbles out of the woods and chases down Keith and Kim to get his revenge. He captures Kim and knocks Keith out in the process. Apparently, there is a race of primitive cave-dwelling Neanderthals living in this forest not very far from civilization who have never been discovered.
When Keith comes to he makes another great decision and does what anyone who's wife was just captured by a caveman would do. He cuts off the face and tits of the not-quite-dead-yet cavewoman, wears them and goes to the Neanderthal's lair to save Kim. What follows is a series of unfortunate events which include mutilation, a severed penis-rape and lots of blood. After all of this the viewer is left with a lot of unanswered questions and unexplained occurences, which is never a good thing.
The Trek as a whole fails miserably. The film focuses more on the effects and visuals than on the characters, leaving you with a plot, or lack thereof, that is stretched thin to allow for cool special effects. Not to mention the constant annoying cutting back and forth between the film and the true-crime documentary footage. Steer clear of this turd at all costs.
Review by Brad
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Blood Junkie (2010)
Blood Junkie is a 1980's style horror comedy directed by Drew Rosas and shot in Wisconsin for $7000. The film follows the exploits of two studly high school graduates named Craig Wilson (Nick Sommer) and Teddy Bender (Mike Johnston). They spend their days looking for chicks, drinking beer and hanging out in Teddy's mom's basement playing video games. Craig thinks he's a ladies man and hits on every woman he sees, including Teddy's mom while Teddy is more the shy type. While at the convenience store they run into two local chicks, Rachel (Emily Treolo) and Laura (Sarah Luther), and talk them into going camping with them. Before picking the girls up Craig and Teddy celebrate in a homoerotic, slo-mo montage in Teddy's room. After this they set off in Craig's station wagon to pick up Rachel and Laura. When they arrive they learn there is a catch to this weekend adventure when Laura's eight year-old brother, Andy (Brady Cohen), has to tag along.
While sitting around the campfire, drinking and smoking pot, Teddy tells the tale his grandfather told him as a child. He explains how an accident occurred at the old chemical plant in the woods. A pressure valve was not maintained, exploded and the plant was shut down. The night operator's body was never found. Later, Teddy says, he found a journal in which his grandfather rambled about mutilated livestock – blaming it all on the manbeast that lived in the woods. Is there truly a deranged madman living in the abandoned chemical plant – or could it be far worse? As Craig states, it could be ‘Junkies, man. Junkies.'
Blood Junkie is an amazing film that's full of 80's goodness. Everything from the costumes, to the set design and the moog synth score are spot on for an 80's era slasher. The look of the film even reeks of the 80's and looks like it was shot on low-grade film stock. All of the actors in the film did a phenomenal job and the film pulls off more than most larger budget productions. The only drawback to the film is that it clocks in at just 72 minutes and the horror really only kicks in around the 50 minute mark. Prior to that, the film is mostly a comedy, which hits the mark thanks in particular to Nick Sommer. Mulleted Craig Wilson has become one of my favorite movie characters of all time. He had me laughing my ass off through the whole movie. I can't say enough good things about Blood Junkie and I look forward to more films by Drew Rosas. Definitely check it out. You won't be sorry.
Review by Brad
Buy Blood Junkie on DVD
The Human Centipede (2010)
Ok I finally decided to watch The Human Centipede after a couple of years of saying I never will because I listened to this person and what they told me about it and from what I already saw in trailers and previews I really did not want to see it. But again here I am about to tell you about it. First off I am glad I finally watched it even though it does have that one part that everyone who knows about this film knows happens and yes it's pretty damn gross but the way it was done in the film really is not that bad. It's just the idea of it that makes you want to vomit chunks. So here is a breakdown of the story:
It starts with a guy sitting in his car looking at some pictures of his dog and then another pic of the dog sniffing another dog then finally a picture of 3 dogs in a row. Hmmmm... Setting up for the story already so you get the idea of what is to come. Fast forward and you see two girls who are broke down on the street somewhere in the middle of nowhere Germany in the middle of a forest late at night with the pouring rain. A guy pulls up and they think he may help but he only speaks German and believes that they are two chicks from a porno he has at home and wants to enjoy them in person.
Fast forward a little more and the girls finally decide to start walking for help and come across a house. They knock on the door, he lets them in, roofies them and so begins the story.We're just missing one more character so enter the random Japanese guy who happens to also be hanging out in Germany and can only speak Japanese. A little more forward and the one chick really won't go down easy so she fights back and he decides that she will of course be the middle piece. Then the centipede is made and the evil scientist dude who seriously looks like Christopher Walken if he was going to be possessed in any Exorcist film decides the centipede is his new pet and tries to teach them tricks and show them how to walk as one. I will not give more away but the film ends in a way I never saw coming. It definitely had me go hmmmm I see.
I have had the pleasure of talking to Ashley Williams, Ashlynne Yennie and Akihiro Kitamura on numerous occasions and they were always extremely polite and cool. I really think that is why I again finally decided to watch this since even when I would talk with them I would tell them I have no desire to see the film because I basically know it all already and they would say no check it out (obviously trying to promote it) but I can honestly say now I am glad a couple years later I did. So in closing if you know of this film then it's one that is easy to make your mind up in advance. Every now and then we come across that film and this is no exception but ignore what you heard from the other guys who think they know everything and give this one a chance. It's only an hour and a half, so it's not long over kill if you do hate it. It's seriously just like a Saw film. It's very disturbing at times and not at all for the squeamish and pretty suspenseful.
Pro's:
The acting by everyone is very believable and very well done
Who ever did the casting did a great job
The main evil dude does an amazing job of being an evil dude
Ashley C. Williams and Ashlynne Yennie
It's kind of like Reading Rainbow, you don't have to take my word for it. Just check it out.
Till next time take care and farewell for now...
Review by Joe
Buy The Human Centipede on DVD
Zombie Women Of Satan (2009)
The film is based around a group of traveling freaks who consist of a clown who looks like he is from Insane Clown Posse and is obsessed with anything perverted hence the name Pervo The Clown. We also have a cowboy, a midget, a rock chick and some other guys. The rock chick is secretly searching for her sister who was kidnapped years ago and eventually finds her at a cult compound where all the woman have been brainwashed and given new names which just consist of the letters A-Z.
At the cult the father of two girls Red and Blue and a son who takes advantage of the girls so he can constantly have sex with them has been working on using the brainwashed girls as guinea pigs for science experiments and injecting them with fluids and other concoctions he has created. Not to give too much away but eventually one infected girl spits into a punch bowl that is then drank by the house of brainwashed ladies causing them to then turn into zombies and attack everyone. The only difference is that the girls already do nothing but sit around and stare at walls in lingerie so they are now lingerie zombies with the exception of a few who decided to rip their bra's off as they changed into the walking dead.
The film again started slow but once the actual plot starts it's pretty easy to follow and get into. There is alot more I would like to tell but I'd rather you all check it out and see for yourselves. I don't think it's a film that I could watch again and again but I do recommend at least one viewing and possibly one after that with a friend who has never seen it. Some highlights of the film include:
Lingerie zombies
Topless "running" zombies (Oh yeah)
Quotes such as "You man bastard"
A midget who needs to shit
A topless wheelchair zombie who lactates acid (Genius)
Check it out and let us know what you think. Tell me you want an hour and a half of your life back or you enjoyed it. Until next time take care and farewell for now...
Review by Joe
Buy Zombie Women Of Satan on DVD
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Goth (2003)
Ok this time we're going to look at the movie Goth from Brain Damage Films. I had to take a moment their because the title alone pissed me off. This film has nothing to do what so ever with the word goth besides showing some people with dark hair dressing up with lipstick. Satanism 101 would be a more appropriate title or just plain Drugs, Freaks And Murder. The movie starts with Crissy and her boyfriend Boone getting dressed up to go to a "goth" club. Boone is getting some drinks and yes you guessed it what would a goth dink if you were making a movie about goths? Oh yeah, he goes to the bar and gets some absinthe. Crissy then bumps into a girl who looks like she is 100% constipated at this time. Crissy then leaves to go to the bathroom where she again see's the same chick who introduces herself as Goth which goes something like this...
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Psycho Sisters (1998)
This is the story of two women who at a young age watched their youngest sister raped and beaten to death and ever since have held a grudge against all men. Eventually that hate turned so strong that it became murder and they ended up in a pychiatric hospital. They end up getting out only to continue their bloody rampage. The youngest of the two sisters falls in love with a young man but her sister is not happy in the least for her and things then take an ugly turn.
The movie also involves a biker gang out for revenge, two wacky detectives who are trying to show their boss they can handle the job by trying to save the day and the doctor who is responsible for the girls and must make sure they are on their best behavior. I felt the movie was great. It had everything including violence, blood, sex, nudity and the works. I give the movie two thumbs up.
Review by Chris
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Poultrygeist: Night Of The Chicken Dead (2006)
Poultrygiest is the story of a young man who gets a job at a new fast food restraunt, however the fast food joint is actually built on an old Indian burial ground and now the spirits are angry and out for revenge. The owner of the restaurant is of course in denial about the whole thing. Once his employees and others start continuously dying from horrible chicken related fatalities, will he remain in denial or believe in the undead? The young and newest employee must fend off the undead, protect others and get back the girl of his dreams. Can he do it, will he succeed or will he fail miserably? Find out all this and more in Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.
My personal opinion on the movie was, well I liked it and was impressed. I was a little confused at first about the story line but as the movie went on I understood it more. It's also a musical you might not ever want to see again however. I found it both hilarious and entertaining. I felt there wasn’t enough blood or nudity, which are two main things that make a horror movie. In my opinion it was never meant to be a horror movie but an entertaining comedy instead. So I would in fact recommend this movie, not for horror fanatics but for someone who needs a good laugh.
Kill Me Or Let Me Go (2009)
This time we are going to be looking at Kill Me Or Let Me Go from Benjamin Baker. First off the DVD is actually three short films with Kill Me of course but it also contains The Abduction Of Rookie Rynard and The Vampires Of Grim Lake. Kill Me Or Let Me Go is only thirteen minutes long and I really wish it was more. At least a half hour would be nice. The movie is broken up into four titles that are chess themed off of the character's name. For example knight takes bishop is the start and it's because the character James Earl Bishop is being taken to his execution by a guy named... you guessed it Knight. Once there he gets to choose how he wants to die but that all comes to a halt when a random alarm is sounded and everyone gets out of the area as fast as they can leaving Bishop to discover what it is they were running from. A couple minutes later we enter the Queen's chapter which again you probably guessed involves someone named Queen.
But ha ha your wrong. It's actually just three chicks tied up in the basement and gagged in lingerie. One of them happens to be the very attractive Erin Chaney (co-writer/producer). So with that said I know we are all going to go buy it so I will take a minute and let you go to the website to buy it.
Ok this is actually the best part and not just because of the obvious. Enter a guy named Rookie and picture this: he is a pretty heavy set guy who loves to drink his moonshine with his jean jacket open and his no shirt gut hanging out and terrifying the girls he has captured. He's also badass with a harmonica. Yes I said it, a harmonica and he can play it and he does so. He breaks out with a blues vibe sound and starts singing to the girls how he is going to kill them. "Gonna kill me some bitches" he sings straight to the point. The girls, crying and scared, sing back "kill me or let me go" which kind of sounds like a KMFDM song. You know what the film is called because people about to die like to say that phrase. So the song goes on and I am interested in the soundtrack at this point. I won't give too much more away but seriously it's worth checking. Not just because a chick who co-wrote the story agreed to have her and two friends tied up in lingerie on the floor. I had to add that again in case anyone was sleeping the first time. Ok now onto the Abduction Of Rookie and yes it's the same guy who played the harmonica and sang so I was interested from the start. This time we get to see him making his family's special moonshine. He goes through explaining the steps, sips on some to make sure it's right and about now he is pretty spaced out and see's a talking puppet that he calls his dad. He starts arguing with it and walks outside then gets attacked by alien. I'll give you a minute to analyze that. It's only three minutes long but worth a watch even if you hate puppets that argue with you. Check it out.
Vampires Of Grim Lake is a little different for me and not really my thing. First off I will say that it's filmed with an old film style and look that I thought was pretty cool. The killing always has some death metal playing while it's done so that can be hit or miss for you. After killing an old guy on a boat, who I am guessing must have been an acid head, the vampires begin to trip in a blue light and bubble sequence. That leads to some talking between the two vampires which sounds more like a wrestling match than normal talk. Fast forward and you see the vampires killing some other vampires which is witnessed by the "Chuck Norris" of the film who goes home to put on his war paint and begins some Rambo style crossbow killing. Over all check this collection out. Vampires Of Grim Lake may or may not be for you but I highly recommend the other two films. If you like low budget films or want to be the first to own these movies which will be talked about for years to come head over to Bake Productions and get the DVD.
Farewell for now...
Review by Joe
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Luther The Geek (1990)
A geek is a carnival performer whose show consists of bizarre acts, such as biting the head off a live chicken. Luther takes things a bit further and uses his razor-sharp metal dentures to bite the necks of humans. As a child he witnessed a geek locked in a cage bite the head off a chicken for the amusement of the townsfolk. Amazed by this ghastly act he is never the same again. Thirty years later after being imprisoned for committing a series of grisly murders Luther is out on parole. The first place he goes is the local super market where he eats some raw eggs and steels a pair of sunglasses. The manager calls the police and chases him out of the store where he attacks an old woman and kills her. A cop shows up and Luther hides in the backseat of a woman's car. The woman drives home to her isolated farmhouse with Luther in the back, unbeknownst to her.
The rest of the film consists of Luther terrorizing the woman, her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend. There is a decent amount of gore in the film. We get to see multiple scenes of neck biting, a disembowelment, a shotgun blast to the chest and more. Another thing to point out is that Luther never talks, he just clucks like a chicken. I thought this worked well for the film and added a creepy element to the character. This review wouldn't be complete without mentioning the babe who plays the daughter. This chick has the most awesome rack ever and we see it displayed in all it's glory during her shower scene. If nothing else you should watch the movie for this reason alone. Luther The Geek is a very entertaining movie filled with gore, nudity and suspense. It's a shame it was so overlooked and stayed under the radar for so long. I loved the movie and I would suggest any horror fan buy a copy. You won't be dissapointed.
Review by Brad
Buy Luther The Geek on DVD
Monday, March 28, 2011
The Janitor (2005)
I thought the movie had a great plot and the idea of having a janitor as the center piece of the murders was a little strange but also a fresh new idea as far as a serial killer is concerned. I also felt that the deaths were both comical and creative such as when the gentleman was duct taped to a chair and gasoline was poured on him and then set ablaze and when the guy was killed with a plunger in a less then satisfying way. I felt there could have been a tad more gore in the movie and also a tad more nudity because it seems the movie is set more towards laughter then to terrify the audience.
Overall I felt it was a pretty satisfying movie. It didn’t quite satisfy my horror needs but did satisfy my comical needs. Just to sum up the movie, it's the story of a janitor that works in an office building who wants more in life than to pick up after other people and be laughed at and teased by his fellow employees. So he goes on a murderous rampage that ends up at a sorority house and he's not alone. Find out what happens in this thrilling yet hilarious film and you'll never look at a janitor the same way again.
Review by Chris
Buy The Janitor on DVD
Friday, March 25, 2011
Bitten (2010)
Bitten is the story of a man who is looking for the right girl after so many others have turned out to not be it. There's just two problems with that. First the man searching for the sweet lady is Jason Mewes, who if you don't know is Jay from Jay and Silent Bob. Second, the lovely lady he meets turns out to be just a little different. Yeah you guessed it, she is a vampire. He can't decide what he should do.The movie stays true to anything that has had Jason in it. Non-stop fuck this and that. In fact I believe the fourth word in the movie was fuck. The film also struggles to decide what type it wants to be. From somewhat horror, to a cheesy comedy, to a black comedy with even more bad casting and acting choices.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Frostbiter: Wrath Of The Wendigo (1995)
Frostbiter: Wrath Of The Wendigo borrows a lot from Evil Dead. An ancient evil is unearthed on a remote island and terrorizes a group of stranded hunters stuck in a cabin. In one scene there is even an Evil Dead 2 poster in the background. That being said, I really enjoyed the movie. It's full of action, gore and humor to keep your interest. There's a lot of cool creatures running around wreaking havoc. You get a possessed pot of chili that eats a guy's hand, a topless babe who turns into a witch, zombie hunters, a flying monster that bites a dudes head off and a stop motion wendigo. I liked the effects even though they were cheesy and far from great.
There is so much going on it's hard to become bored. Don't forget about the aforementioned pair of boobs that are bared for your viewing pleasure. The soundtrack is full of crazy music by Ron Asheton (who also stars in it), Elvis Hitler and The New Breed Beboo Society. During one scene when the chili monsters are attacking the hunters a ridiculous song about chili plays in the background. I loved it and it's things like this that make the film unique. All in all Frostbiter stands on it's own and comes across as an homage to Evil Dead instead of a rip off.
Review by Brad
Buy Frostbiter: Wrath Of The Wendigo on DVD
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
It's Alive!
Cheers,
Brad, Joe and Chris
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