Review by Joe
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
The Trek (2009)
The Trek begins with a young recently married couple set out on a 'honeymoon' hike in the woods. Kim (Erin Fleming) and Keith (Brett Hundley) are a great pair, as acknowledged by their family in true-crime documentary flashbacks narrated by an Unsolved Mysteries-style Trent Haaga. We're shown the last place the couple was known to have been. What we don't know is what happened to Kim and Keith. But we're about to find out.
After about 30 minutes of getting to know Kim and Keith Russell, through their family and friends, and through watching them hold hands, eat apples and backpack around the California Hills, a strange-looking woman comes out of the woods and approaches their tent. She looks like a hairy fat guy in a loin cloth with a deformed face and sagging boobs. The she-beast walks over to Keith and pinches his cheek like an old woman would do to a tiny baby. This enrages Keith and he is overcome with the need to protect himself and his wife, so he does what any good husband would... He unnecessarily bashes her head in with a stick repeatedly until she is dead.
Kim is appalled at how Keith reacted, and she can't understand his need to kill the woman. Keith isn't really sure he understands either, but from the particularly happy grin on his face while he did it, we know that he liked it. Moments later the Neanderthal's mate stumbles out of the woods and chases down Keith and Kim to get his revenge. He captures Kim and knocks Keith out in the process. Apparently, there is a race of primitive cave-dwelling Neanderthals living in this forest not very far from civilization who have never been discovered.
When Keith comes to he makes another great decision and does what anyone who's wife was just captured by a caveman would do. He cuts off the face and tits of the not-quite-dead-yet cavewoman, wears them and goes to the Neanderthal's lair to save Kim. What follows is a series of unfortunate events which include mutilation, a severed penis-rape and lots of blood. After all of this the viewer is left with a lot of unanswered questions and unexplained occurences, which is never a good thing.
The Trek as a whole fails miserably. The film focuses more on the effects and visuals than on the characters, leaving you with a plot, or lack thereof, that is stretched thin to allow for cool special effects. Not to mention the constant annoying cutting back and forth between the film and the true-crime documentary footage. Steer clear of this turd at all costs.
Review by Brad
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Blood Junkie (2010)
Blood Junkie is a 1980's style horror comedy directed by Drew Rosas and shot in Wisconsin for $7000. The film follows the exploits of two studly high school graduates named Craig Wilson (Nick Sommer) and Teddy Bender (Mike Johnston). They spend their days looking for chicks, drinking beer and hanging out in Teddy's mom's basement playing video games. Craig thinks he's a ladies man and hits on every woman he sees, including Teddy's mom while Teddy is more the shy type. While at the convenience store they run into two local chicks, Rachel (Emily Treolo) and Laura (Sarah Luther), and talk them into going camping with them. Before picking the girls up Craig and Teddy celebrate in a homoerotic, slo-mo montage in Teddy's room. After this they set off in Craig's station wagon to pick up Rachel and Laura. When they arrive they learn there is a catch to this weekend adventure when Laura's eight year-old brother, Andy (Brady Cohen), has to tag along.
While sitting around the campfire, drinking and smoking pot, Teddy tells the tale his grandfather told him as a child. He explains how an accident occurred at the old chemical plant in the woods. A pressure valve was not maintained, exploded and the plant was shut down. The night operator's body was never found. Later, Teddy says, he found a journal in which his grandfather rambled about mutilated livestock – blaming it all on the manbeast that lived in the woods. Is there truly a deranged madman living in the abandoned chemical plant – or could it be far worse? As Craig states, it could be ‘Junkies, man. Junkies.'
Blood Junkie is an amazing film that's full of 80's goodness. Everything from the costumes, to the set design and the moog synth score are spot on for an 80's era slasher. The look of the film even reeks of the 80's and looks like it was shot on low-grade film stock. All of the actors in the film did a phenomenal job and the film pulls off more than most larger budget productions. The only drawback to the film is that it clocks in at just 72 minutes and the horror really only kicks in around the 50 minute mark. Prior to that, the film is mostly a comedy, which hits the mark thanks in particular to Nick Sommer. Mulleted Craig Wilson has become one of my favorite movie characters of all time. He had me laughing my ass off through the whole movie. I can't say enough good things about Blood Junkie and I look forward to more films by Drew Rosas. Definitely check it out. You won't be sorry.
Review by Brad
Buy Blood Junkie on DVD
The Human Centipede (2010)
Ok I finally decided to watch The Human Centipede after a couple of years of saying I never will because I listened to this person and what they told me about it and from what I already saw in trailers and previews I really did not want to see it. But again here I am about to tell you about it. First off I am glad I finally watched it even though it does have that one part that everyone who knows about this film knows happens and yes it's pretty damn gross but the way it was done in the film really is not that bad. It's just the idea of it that makes you want to vomit chunks. So here is a breakdown of the story:
It starts with a guy sitting in his car looking at some pictures of his dog and then another pic of the dog sniffing another dog then finally a picture of 3 dogs in a row. Hmmmm... Setting up for the story already so you get the idea of what is to come. Fast forward and you see two girls who are broke down on the street somewhere in the middle of nowhere Germany in the middle of a forest late at night with the pouring rain. A guy pulls up and they think he may help but he only speaks German and believes that they are two chicks from a porno he has at home and wants to enjoy them in person.
Fast forward a little more and the girls finally decide to start walking for help and come across a house. They knock on the door, he lets them in, roofies them and so begins the story.We're just missing one more character so enter the random Japanese guy who happens to also be hanging out in Germany and can only speak Japanese. A little more forward and the one chick really won't go down easy so she fights back and he decides that she will of course be the middle piece. Then the centipede is made and the evil scientist dude who seriously looks like Christopher Walken if he was going to be possessed in any Exorcist film decides the centipede is his new pet and tries to teach them tricks and show them how to walk as one. I will not give more away but the film ends in a way I never saw coming. It definitely had me go hmmmm I see.
I have had the pleasure of talking to Ashley Williams, Ashlynne Yennie and Akihiro Kitamura on numerous occasions and they were always extremely polite and cool. I really think that is why I again finally decided to watch this since even when I would talk with them I would tell them I have no desire to see the film because I basically know it all already and they would say no check it out (obviously trying to promote it) but I can honestly say now I am glad a couple years later I did. So in closing if you know of this film then it's one that is easy to make your mind up in advance. Every now and then we come across that film and this is no exception but ignore what you heard from the other guys who think they know everything and give this one a chance. It's only an hour and a half, so it's not long over kill if you do hate it. It's seriously just like a Saw film. It's very disturbing at times and not at all for the squeamish and pretty suspenseful.
Pro's:
The acting by everyone is very believable and very well done
Who ever did the casting did a great job
The main evil dude does an amazing job of being an evil dude
Ashley C. Williams and Ashlynne Yennie
It's kind of like Reading Rainbow, you don't have to take my word for it. Just check it out.
Till next time take care and farewell for now...
Review by Joe
Buy The Human Centipede on DVD
Zombie Women Of Satan (2009)
The film is based around a group of traveling freaks who consist of a clown who looks like he is from Insane Clown Posse and is obsessed with anything perverted hence the name Pervo The Clown. We also have a cowboy, a midget, a rock chick and some other guys. The rock chick is secretly searching for her sister who was kidnapped years ago and eventually finds her at a cult compound where all the woman have been brainwashed and given new names which just consist of the letters A-Z.
At the cult the father of two girls Red and Blue and a son who takes advantage of the girls so he can constantly have sex with them has been working on using the brainwashed girls as guinea pigs for science experiments and injecting them with fluids and other concoctions he has created. Not to give too much away but eventually one infected girl spits into a punch bowl that is then drank by the house of brainwashed ladies causing them to then turn into zombies and attack everyone. The only difference is that the girls already do nothing but sit around and stare at walls in lingerie so they are now lingerie zombies with the exception of a few who decided to rip their bra's off as they changed into the walking dead.
The film again started slow but once the actual plot starts it's pretty easy to follow and get into. There is alot more I would like to tell but I'd rather you all check it out and see for yourselves. I don't think it's a film that I could watch again and again but I do recommend at least one viewing and possibly one after that with a friend who has never seen it. Some highlights of the film include:
Lingerie zombies
Topless "running" zombies (Oh yeah)
Quotes such as "You man bastard"
A midget who needs to shit
A topless wheelchair zombie who lactates acid (Genius)
Check it out and let us know what you think. Tell me you want an hour and a half of your life back or you enjoyed it. Until next time take care and farewell for now...
Review by Joe
Buy Zombie Women Of Satan on DVD
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)