Bitten is the story of a man who is looking for the right girl after so many others have turned out to not be it. There's just two problems with that. First the man searching for the sweet lady is Jason Mewes, who if you don't know is Jay from Jay and Silent Bob. Second, the lovely lady he meets turns out to be just a little different. Yeah you guessed it, she is a vampire. He can't decide what he should do.The movie stays true to anything that has had Jason in it. Non-stop fuck this and that. In fact I believe the fourth word in the movie was fuck. The film also struggles to decide what type it wants to be. From somewhat horror, to a cheesy comedy, to a black comedy with even more bad casting and acting choices.
With all that said it should not be overlooked and is perfect for anyone who likes Jason Mewes or more importantly the sexy Erica Cox walking around topless in much of the film. Just when you think it can't get worse the director knew enough to have yet another random. Here is Erica changing her top to keep interest going. In fact he knew enough to keep it so cheesy yet erotic that once Jason finds his ex-girlfriend dead and his new love Erica covered in blood admitting she killed her they instantly start having sex while the camera pans back to the corpse of his ex in the background again and again. I'm not sure about you but that just screams masterpiece to me.
If you're not sold yet then you need to ask yourself, ok I like bad movies with terrible acting but is this for me? I think you can relax knowing that any great bad movie has to have some amazing catch phrases so try these out:
Jack (Jason Mewes) says to his best friend and co-worker Roger (Richard Fitzpatrick)
"If you didn't look so repulsing in a bikini I would fuck you myself. In fact I may take you up on that... even let you teabag me."
Jack: Holy shit you just ate my ex-girlfriend! I don't know if I should call the police or buy you flowers.
And one of the best moments is when Jack has to clean up the mess from the dead bodies and they play a Barney (yes the giant purple dinosaur) song where he is singing "tidy up your mess".
So with all this said anyone who likes bad movies, sexy chicks and lots of non stop cussing this is for you. Give it a shot. I guarantee it's not the worst thing you will see. I will be back with those later.
Farewell for now...
Review by Joe
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